Conversations about aging, death, and inheritance are never easy. Many adult children struggle to bring up the subject of wills, estate planning, and long-term care with their parents. Yet, putting off these discussions can lead to confusion, conflict, and financial complications later.

Why Wills Are Essential in Estate Planning

A will is more than just a legal document; it is a plan that ensures your parents’ wishes are honored. Without one, Maryland’s intestacy laws will decide how their property is divided, which may not align with their intentions.

A well-drafted will provides:

• Clarity and certainty about how assets will be distributed.
• Appointment of an executor to handle estate administration.
• Designation of guardians for minor children or dependents.
• Peace of mind for both parents and children, knowing that wishes are documented and enforceable.
• Instructions for handling debts and final expenses
• Direction for charitable giving or special bequests
• Protection of blended family interests
• A foundation for broader estate planning

In the absence of a will, families may face expensive probate battles, strained relationships, and unnecessary stress. This is why initiating the conversation with your parents sooner rather than later is so important.

Common Reasons Parents Avoid the Conversation

Before raising the topic, it helps to understand why many older adults avoid discussing wills and estate planning:

• Discomfort with mortality: Talking about death is emotionally challenging.
• Fear of conflict: Parents may worry about sibling rivalries or family disputes.
• Assumption of simplicity: Some believe their estate is too small to need formal planning.
• Procrastination: Estate planning feels overwhelming, so it is often delayed.
• Misinformation: Parents may assume state law will distribute assets “fairly” without realizing the potential complications.

Recognizing these concerns can help you approach the subject with sensitivity, patience, and reassurance.

How to Begin the Conversation

Opening the door to this topic requires empathy and tact. Consider these approaches:

• Choose the right moment: Avoid bringing it up during family gatherings or stressful times. A quiet, private conversation works best.
• Use personal stories or news events: Sometimes referencing a friend’s experience or a recent headline about probate disputes can gently introduce the subject.
• Express your intentions clearly: Make it clear that your goal is to protect their wishes, not to control their decisions.
• Listen first: Ask questions about what matters most to them – security, fairness, privacy – before offering suggestions.
• Reassure them about control: Emphasize that having a will means they get to decide what happens, not the courts.
• Frame it around legacy: Highlight how a will helps them pass down values, memories, and family traditions in addition to assets.
• Offer to share your own planning experience: If you have already created a will or started estate planning, talking about your process can make the subject feel less intimidating and more natural.
• Suggest professional guidance: Sometimes proposing a meeting with a Maryland estate planning attorney can reduce the pressure and provide reassurance that the conversation will be handled fairly and objectively.

The goal is to frame the discussion as an act of love and responsibility, rather than a confrontation.

What to Discuss with Your Parents

Once the conversation begins, here are the key topics to cover:

1. The Importance of a Will

Make sure your parents understand that a will determines how property, savings, and personal belongings are distributed. It also prevents unnecessary confusion for surviving family members.

2. Choosing an Executor

Encourage them to name someone they trust, often an adult child, close relative, or professional fiduciary, who is willing and able to manage the estate.

3. Guardianship Decisions

If your parents are caring for dependents or have guardianship responsibilities, the will should designate a successor guardian.

4. Special Assets and Family Heirlooms

Sentimental items can create the most conflict. Talking through who should receive treasured heirlooms can reduce future disputes.

5. Healthcare Directives and Powers of Attorney

Although separate from a will, advance medical directives and powers of attorney should also be part of the conversation to ensure decisions are made according to their preferences.

Overcoming Resistance

It is common for aging parents to feel hesitant when the subject of wills comes up. For many, the idea of estate planning can feel overwhelming or uncomfortable. If you encounter resistance, there are compassionate ways to ease their concerns and move the discussion forward.

• Focus on benefits: Reassure your parents that creating a will is not about preparing for the end, but about providing peace of mind and security for the future. Emphasize how a properly drafted will can reduce stress for the entire family, eliminate confusion, and ensure their wishes are honored exactly as they intend.
• Emphasize legacy: Remind them that a will is not just about dividing property; it is also about passing on values, traditions, and a sense of legacy. Having a clear plan helps preserve family harmony and ensures that their personal intentions, whether charitable giving or heirloom distribution, are respected.
• Break it into steps: Sometimes the process feels daunting because it seems like too much to handle at once. Suggest starting small, such as gathering important documents, making a list of assets, or simply discussing who they would trust as an executor. Taking gradual steps can make the process feel less intimidating and more manageable.
• Offer professional support: Propose involving an experienced estate planning attorney in Maryland who can serve as a neutral third party. An attorney can guide the process, answer technical questions, and prevent family dynamics from complicating sensitive decisions. This often helps parents feel more comfortable and reassured, knowing that a professional is there to protect their best interests.

Sometimes, having a neutral third party explain the legal realities helps parents see the importance more clearly.

Mistakes to Avoid

When talking to aging parents about wills, it is important to approach the conversation with care. Pressuring them into decisions or dictating outcomes can create resistance and tension, while failing to address the topic altogether increases the risk that sudden illness or incapacity will leave them without a plan.

Another common mistake is relying on online templates or “do-it-yourself” solutions, which often fail to meet Maryland’s strict legal requirements and can leave an estate vulnerable to disputes. A respectful, proactive approach ensures your parents feel supported and in control, while also protecting the family from avoidable stress and confusion in the future.

The Role of an Estate Planning Attorney

While families can and should discuss preferences openly, only a qualified attorney can ensure that a will is legally valid and tailored to Maryland law. At Blackford & Flohr, our attorneys work with clients to draft wills that reflect their personal and financial goals, establish trusts to provide asset protection, tax efficiency, or special needs planning, and prepare critical documents such as advance healthcare directives and powers of attorney. We also guide families through probate and estate administration after a loved one passes, helping to ease the burden during an already difficult time.

Partnering with an experienced Maryland wills and trusts lawyer provides peace of mind that your parents’ estate plan will withstand legal scrutiny and avoid unnecessary complications for future generations.

Conclusion

Talking to aging parents about wills can feel intimidating, but it is one of the most important conversations you can have. Approaching the topic with patience, empathy, and a focus on their values will make the discussion easier and more productive.

At Blackford & Flohr, our experienced estate planning attorneys in Baltimore and Annapolis are here to help guide your family through every step of the process. From drafting wills and trusts to navigating probate, we provide the professional support you need to secure your family’s future. Contact us to get started.

Contact Blackford & Flohr

If you are ready to begin the conversation about wills or need help guiding your parents through estate planning, contact Blackford & Flohr today. Our attorneys proudly serve families throughout the surrounding Maryland communities.